"A coincidence
is a small miracle in which God chooses to remain anonymous."
-Emma Bull-

Coincidences do happen indeed :)

I was on the bus and I saw a girl sitting not far away from me wearing the same shoes as me^^
Bless you~

:)


Hoping more coincidences would happen today^^

You were never one to express your true feelings
You were never one who talked much
You were never one who hugged and caressed me
Nor were you one who asked questions

You are and will always be a stranger in my life
An intimate stranger

You were always in my life
Yet it felt like you were never there
Your presence was but only a ghost
lingering

There have been times when I have asked myself
Who is that stranger opening the door?
Who is that stranger crossing the household?



Even so,
I hope you forgive me for my ignorance,
I hope you forgive me of my errors



I'm sorry.




Thank you.

I'm giving one to you and one to him...
Hoping that our friendship will last for forever and a day^^



\(^O^)/

This post is for someone...
But I dunno whether that someone will read my post
Haizzz...

~ + + + + + + + ~


Tell me...
Every time you stare at yourself in the mirror
Have you ever noticed the many changes in you?
Have you?

Perhaps yes, perhaps no
Although you may not have noticed your own changes
But I have, we have!

You have changed over time!
Within months, everything about you has changed!
You no longer have the same air of innocence lingering about
You no longer bare the same facial expressions
We, no longer share the same view points

Everything about you has changed
style
expressions
features
viewpoints
aura
speech
personality

and most of all
your heart has truly changed

Is it for the better?
I do not know
Only you hold the answer to all our questions
Perhaps you are shaping another personality
Reshaping yourself to face tougher challenges in the future

Is this a game to you?
Are you rebuilding a new avatar in a game?
Or are you carving a new mask to hide yourself from the world?

Or may I ask, is this the true you?
Have you taken of your fake mask now
Bathing us for so long in your many lies?
I hope this is not the truth.

You may deny us with excuses
You may say that we are accusing you without solid evidences
You may say that this is time's fault
Is it really?

Is time really that cruel and cold hearted?
Has time caged you with metal bars
and pulled you along the ever changing horizons?
Is it really time's fault that you have changed that much?
Or is that my fault?
If it is then I'm truly sorry.

You may say that we do not truly understand you
You may say that we have no right to call ourselves your friends
You might even be ashamed of us

But let me tell you,
In this world,
no one person can truly understand another human being
No matter how close they are
No matter how many centuries they have spent together
Each person is born to this world
equipped with different personalities and viewpoints
No two persons are they same

Thus, no one truly understands each other

So now let me ask you this one question.
Why have you changed that much in such a short time?
Why?


~ + + + + + + ~

Praises of strangers make your heart flutter,
snide remarks of true friends make your heart wither;
so which do you think I am?

~ + + + + + + ~



P/s: Is our friendship really as brittle as I think it is?

I dunno what to do now...
This feeling started when I saw the the strange look of yours
You were sitting there with your brows knitted together
A frown formed
I noticed

You told me you weren't sure
You told me bout the uncomfortable feeling that was lingering about
You told me perhaps this decision was the best
At least better than your first

I nodded
I told you to think carefully
I told you to choose what ever you felt was the right choice

Then you told me with such firm eyes
Piercing through me...
You had to choose what was right for you

At that moment,
I felt myself swaying...
My real smile vanished replaced by a fake one
My laughter dimmed by that one decision of yours
But still I put on a straight face
Telling myself that your decision was right

I couldn't bring myself to tell you to stay
I didn't want to be your burden
I didn't want to pull you away from your dreams
But still I was held behind by jealousy and fear
Jealous because other friendships might blossom
Fear because our friendship might fade

I didn't speak of my true feelings
I said only but encouragements
The dark feelings inside my grew
A fake smile on the outside

I knew your decision was absolute
I didn't want to make you waver

I sat in the front seat
Avoiding your gaze
Perhaps you realized, perhaps you didn't
As you got off
I gave a faint smile and waved you off
You didn't realize did you?

My eyes clouded with tears
Blurring my vision
As I watched the traffic lights turn green
The first tear worked its way down
I felt stupid
Why was I crying?

Never have I felt that miserable before
Never had I let anyone see me crying
I wasn't good at expressing my real emotions
Nor was I good at saying goodbye with a heavy heart

I know that that's not really goodbye but still...
I fear for us
I fear for our friendship
I know nothing lasts forever but then I wanted it to...

Perhaps we have reached the cross road of life
We each have chosen the path we have in mind with a heavy heart
I stand at the cross road
to wave you off, to bid you goodbye and good luck
And then we'll go our separate ways...


And I have to learn to accept it...

Good luck, my friend.

I'm typing this with mixed emotions...

Should I or shouldn't I?

Perhaps yes, perhaps not...

I know I shouldn't let my pride get the better of me...

But I still can't do it...

Should I??

I close my eyes...

Falling into a deep deep hypnotizing sleep

Surrounding myself with vivid dreams and nightmares

I awake feeling refreshed

But that feeling still lingers about

And still the question stays unanswered...

Should I?

Perhaps it is truly time to let my pride down

And tell you I'm sorry?

But I don't think it's my fault.

Doesn't apologizing mean I'm giving up?

Doesn't it mean I'm weak?

I've never liked to apologize...

Am I being ignorant still?

Should I let my pride get in the way?

So should I?

I'm pacing back and forth in my room

repeating the same question again and again...

My lips tasting the bitterness of my heart

Should I?

A feeling of deep regret creeps onto me

A sudden sadness sweeps away my senses

These troubled feelings pain me

Like nightmares of a fevered sleep

Tell me...

Should I?




P/s: This is probably true...

Perhaps I should...

Haizzz...

But I won't say it out loud...
So if you see this... you might know?

I'm waiting...
waiting along the abandoned railway track
waiting for what, I do not know
perhaps I'm just standing there
hoping that time will take me away
far from this harsh cruel reality

I'm sitting on the platform
humming the tune of an ancient lullaby
I have long forgotten the words
only the sweet, eerie melody remains
sometimes haunting me
chilling me to the bone

I close my eyes
hypnotizing myself with my own voice
indulging myself into nightmares of the past
when I reopen my swollen eyes
I find myself staring at shadows of the past
people from another time

Strangers in long fur coats
walking, strolling, talking, staring...
none of them spared an eye for me
just staring through me, icily
As if I wasn't there
Was I?

I hear the noise of a locomotive
advancing towards the station
I see the white smoke unfolding itself from the exhaust
curling itself to form a white flag for the locomotive

The vision seemed so real
so close to the reality I had learned to hate
But everything in it was mute and numb
no one showed emotions
nor did I see any

When I rubbed my eyes
slowly, those ghostly figures disappeared
Swallowed up again by time
Was that my imagination?
Or did it really happen?
I ask myself.

And again
I'm left alone with my own fears and tears
I ask myself again...




What am I waiting for?









Comments, yes? :)

I'm seeking for my one true sanctuary,
in this numb world of black and white;
say,
why don't you join me on this quest?
:)

I wonder how it feels to be high up in those clouds looking down?

The sky looks so peaceful...

Fluffy white clouds floating above our heads

the sun peeping out from a corner

Perhaps laughing at us

calm and at peace with itself

But at times it roars with rage

Striking it's fists everywhere...

Screaming and cursing

then it softens into rain...

Pouring down endlessly...

Sometimes the sky turns a gloomy grey

As if sad and unhappy

But at night it becomes peaceful again...

As if the tantrums never happened...

Emotions after emotions

It's still the same

It's still looking down and laughing at us^^





I wanna be free like the sky!!!


See that BIG goldfish??!!!
Someone get a net and catch it for me!!!
Please...
Pretty please~





P/s: Sorry for not updating you bloggie...
Hehe^^
Ran out of ideas to write...
= =

I close my eyes tight

Another sleepless night has come

The moon shines so brightly

Blinding me

Then

The bed creaks silently

I can feel your presence

I open my eyes

And find you staring so intensely at me

Not a word

You stroke my cheeks

I can feel the warmth channeling through your hands

You leaned against me

Our skin brushing in contact

You planted a wet kiss on my forehead

I shiver slightly

A little afraid yet so eager

You caress me so gently

Fondling me like a child

Slowly and silently

Your daring hands slip cautiously into my clothes

Roaming through the forbidden grounds

I let out a moan

I can see the devilish smile on your lips

Teasing me

Is this a trap?

I ask myself

Have I let my guard down?

Again, you stroke me

I can feel your masculine body against me

I tremble again with eagerness and excitement

You bent forward all of a sudden

The kiss

Featherlight

Like a butterfly

Come and gone

I pulled you towards me

Deepening the kiss

I could feel your sensual lips brushing against mine

The tip of your burning tongue lurking inside me

You tasted hot and sweet

Honeyed wine could not compare


You have triggered something inside of me




Something dark and forbidden...













Ermmm...
I leave the rest to you and your imagination and see where it gets you

This is really embarrassing
>////<

But bare in mind that this is only fictional!!!
If anyone of you can be so foolish to think that that is from my experience
I'll personally tear you part by part and shred you into mince meat!!!
Understood??

I was bored...
Don't blame me
I'm a healthy 17 year old with hormones pumping to the max...
It's normal, nothing illegal...
But if my mum sees this, she'll praise me then skin me alive...
= =







~owari~

She, a puppet

Lively yet lifeless

She, a puppet

Bound by strings that control her every limb

She, a puppet

Strange and sorrowful

How long has she been standing there

Bound by cords that have long snatched away her freedom

How long has she been controlled

Physically and Emotionally

Being robbed off her freewill

Though sad

She may not show emotions

Though she performs freely on stage

She is still caged by strings

Strings and cords that seem like poisonous thorns

Which keep her still

When will she be free?



I wonder...






This is something I came up with...
Say, aren't we all puppets, though we're not controlled by strings
but by money, wealth and power?
Yes??






~owari~

P/s: Comments, badly needed^^

It is the end of my dream

I have been only a fragment of my own dream

My wings have forgotten how to fly

I have done nothing but pretend to flap my wings

Do my wings have any meaning if I don't use them to fly?

Destiny is a spiral

Turning and spinning around

The sun rises and sets

Each day starts with a different pattern

The spiral is always turning

No matter how hard you try to stop it

It will never change

Try listening for the heartbeat of destiny to stop

Try pushing it aside

It is nothing but a game

Those who win will get the chance to make choices

Those who lose can only drift with the tide of fate

Perhaps destiny is really unchangeable

We are just puppets on a stage

With strings on our every limb

Given only one life


Fate

You are cruel and cold

With no sympathy and fear

I shall change my own fate

By turning the clock wheels around

I shall change my future

And change it in a different pattern





... ... Bored?? Haha...
I made this up when I was in Form 2 or so...
Hehe^^
I changed it a bit here and there^^


Spiral, huh??
That's where my name originates from^^



~*owari*~

The morning breeze caressed my face
Like a mother fondling a child
I opened up my eyes but there was no one there
Like always


Again I woke up from my nightmares and found no one to accompany me
To share my thoughts
my feelings
and my fears
I knew from the second I was brought to this world
I knew I was and would always be alone


I longed to be hugged
And fondled...
By someone
I long for that painful loneliness to go away
That heart breaking grasp of loneliness
How I envy both mother and son playing together under the autumn sky
How I long to share a mug of warm cocoa with my loved one
How I yearn for that warmth of someone


I don't want to be alone
miserable and tearful
All I want is some proof that my existence in this world is needed


Every night I lay down in the hard, stone cold bed of mine
The coldness had only reminded me of how lonely I was
Then I'll cry myself to sleep and drift into a nightmare
At least my tears are proof that I'm still sane


That evening the rain poured
so heavily I thought the roof would fall on me
All I could do was stare at the rain
I sat at the corner with my feet tucked in
I hugged my knees so hard they felt sore


I was afraid
For the first time
I was truly afraid
Not because of the rain
but what I might and would soon become
The silent echoes of the raindrops were driving me insane
My tears were blinding me
Never have I felt so alone



Just then my bedroom door creaked opened
I sensed a familiar scent in the air
I felt the warmth as the person entered
The coldness and stiffness in the air had disappeared


Finally...


I smiled...
I was no longer alone.

Oh don't mind me... I'm just typing gibberrish...
I was feeling kinda emo-ish today
since everyone was at school and at work
I felt kinda lonely... really...
And the song I'm listening to is really sad and lonely
So I decided to post something up on my long forgotten blog... Hehe

I love you bloggie^^
I hope you're not lonely or something
I'll buy you a cup a warm cocoa??



~*owari*~