Separate ways

I dunno what to do now...
This feeling started when I saw the the strange look of yours
You were sitting there with your brows knitted together
A frown formed
I noticed

You told me you weren't sure
You told me bout the uncomfortable feeling that was lingering about
You told me perhaps this decision was the best
At least better than your first

I nodded
I told you to think carefully
I told you to choose what ever you felt was the right choice

Then you told me with such firm eyes
Piercing through me...
You had to choose what was right for you

At that moment,
I felt myself swaying...
My real smile vanished replaced by a fake one
My laughter dimmed by that one decision of yours
But still I put on a straight face
Telling myself that your decision was right

I couldn't bring myself to tell you to stay
I didn't want to be your burden
I didn't want to pull you away from your dreams
But still I was held behind by jealousy and fear
Jealous because other friendships might blossom
Fear because our friendship might fade

I didn't speak of my true feelings
I said only but encouragements
The dark feelings inside my grew
A fake smile on the outside

I knew your decision was absolute
I didn't want to make you waver

I sat in the front seat
Avoiding your gaze
Perhaps you realized, perhaps you didn't
As you got off
I gave a faint smile and waved you off
You didn't realize did you?

My eyes clouded with tears
Blurring my vision
As I watched the traffic lights turn green
The first tear worked its way down
I felt stupid
Why was I crying?

Never have I felt that miserable before
Never had I let anyone see me crying
I wasn't good at expressing my real emotions
Nor was I good at saying goodbye with a heavy heart

I know that that's not really goodbye but still...
I fear for us
I fear for our friendship
I know nothing lasts forever but then I wanted it to...

Perhaps we have reached the cross road of life
We each have chosen the path we have in mind with a heavy heart
I stand at the cross road
to wave you off, to bid you goodbye and good luck
And then we'll go our separate ways...


And I have to learn to accept it...

Good luck, my friend.